Attitude of Gratitude

 

February 18th, 2021

I am going to continue to republish the blogs that were lost. Thank goodness I had the presence of mind to print them all out. They are my babies and a way for me to learn to write well. I have had many comments in the positive about my style of writing. Frankly it makes me calm and happy to sit down and gather my thoughts. I love to put them to paper and I enjoy sharing them with others because even if the details aren't the same, I know there are messages for everyone and in particular, my belief that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel! Please indulge me and if you feel the urge to respond and comment, I would love that. Thank you for your time!

Namaste.

Sunday May 24, 2009

"What If ?"

Have you ever wondered what if? Otherwise known as shoulda, coulda, woulda we often will put off today what we could possibly do tomorrow. It has come to me that putting things off only delays the inevitable and sometimes it isn't pleasant. In fact it usually isn't smart. My quandary is what if we never heard or read any of our history? Would it change our outlook on life and the pertinent occurrences from it? My mother gave me so much in wisdom, sayings ( that at the time seemed silly), and courage. She had to face some major adversity and I suppose it prepared me for mine. She would say "You fly with the crows, you get shot at" and smile knowing I was trying to figure out what she was talking about. Or how about "I haven't seen those since Hector was a pup". Who the hell was Hector? I never did find out and really she didn't know either. She was just passing on what she had heard from her Mother. Which is how we learn about our families most of the time. No one writes things down, they just pass them on and we all know what happens when you just talk about things from memory. They get bigger, harder, longer, tougher or worst of all, forgotten. I would love to be able to go back to the events and see them first hand. I can see myself as a cub scout reporter. Taking my little notes for later and thoroughly enjoying being part of the "now".

 I feel sad that the life before the accident was remarkable but we didn't keep notes because we didn't know we would want to someday. What is missing is details of the little things that mean so much and endear us to each other. He was not one to surprise me with flowers and I accepted that but every pay Friday was a reason to go out to dinner. We would go for long drives on a Sunday afternoon after church. Not usually with a destination in mind, just wherever we ended up was great. One of my favourite things was to go to Crescent Beach in the summer very early on a Sunday morning. The sun would be bright and beautiful , the water would be very still, and you could see birds out on the sand bars hunting for breakfast. The whole scene was surreal because it was so quiet, you could hear them making their calls to each other but they were several hundred feet away from us. The best part would be that there would be a little breeze blowing to cool you and we would just sit on the bench and hold hands.
 You never realize how much a person touches your life until they can't anymore. Actually I take that back. He does touch my life however it is not the same and that is what I miss. Now dinner means I feed him a bite and then me a bite and then him a bite and then me a bite and so on. Meals are rarely very hot because of it. I don't really mind anymore, I'm so glad he is here. I must tell you though, what I miss most of all....don't laugh now! I miss that he can't take out the garbage!!! I always hated doing it and he never  minded.